take silence and respect it.

Have you met The Chirpy Bird?  She's witty, cooks up a whole lotta scrumptiousness, weaves a great tale, and is gorgeous.  (Yes, I know that last one shouldn't matter...)  In fact, she's the kind of girl I'd like to set up with my older (hot) brother, if this were the real world, and not imaginary blog land.  The Chirpy Bird (she's also known as Tash =) recently started a series celebrating the things in life to which she is saying YES.  Today Tash's post centered on aloneness.  It brought to mind this amazing video by film maker, Andrea Dorfman, and poet/singer/songwriter Tanya Davis.  

I can't remember where I first saw the video, but it made a huge impression on me (as I'm sure it has on countless others.)  I mentioned it in a comment on The Chirpy Bird's blog, assuming that she must've seen it before.  To my surprise she had not, so I thought perhaps I'd share it here in case you've not as well.  Even if you have watched it, it's worth a revisit, yes?

two forty.

I woke up this morning thinking about that number.  Yesterday, I wrote about my cleanse, mentioning that the three day endeavor cost $240 and suggesting that perhaps the money would have been better spent on a pair of shoes.  The two forty definitely would have found me closer to a pair of neutral heels I'm currently coveting for spring.  For example, these perfectly casual espadrille wedges--

or maybe these fabulous cutouts--

or these camel colored babies, which would put me a tad over 6 feet tall--

or perhaps this pair with the sexy ankle strap...

Sigh...  

However, while I doubt I will ever spend $240 on another cleanse, I have to retract what I said earlier.  

In the past, I've been motivated to better health for many reasons.  My motivation has been intrinsic as in "I really want to FEEL better."  It's also stemmed from pure vanity as in "I will wear (and look hot in) that damn black string bikini again!"  It's even, at times, been altruistic as in "Sparky is going to love my legs in that short skirt."  Never before had I been monetarily motivated to feel and look better.  The simple knowledge that we had spent that money was motivating in and of itself; it kept me a little more focused on seeing the program to completion without any cheating (it was only three days after all!)  If I'd cheated, it would have felt as if I were throwing two hundred and forty one-dollar bills in the garbage can.  Or worse yet, as if I were throwing a pair of these in the garbage can!  And so in truth, I must say it was $240 very well spent.

my cleanse.

When I chose to participate in a juice cleanse, my decision wasn't based on a desire to lose weight.  I already knew that any weight I lost from a three day cleanse would be largely from loss of fluid and would (mostly) return when I started eating normally again.  I needed the drastic measure of the cleanse (and I do think it is drastic to completely cut food for multiple days!) in order to stop the madness of my sugar consumption.  I know, in truth, my sugar addiction is not as strong a compulsion as alcoholism, but there are times I feel completely helpless to the pull of the ice cream in the freezer, or the chocolate chip cookies in the cookie jar, or the Hot Tamales in the pantry.  I'll have just one (bite, taste, piece, spoonful) does NOT work for me.

This was the first time I've ever stopped eating in my life.  The cleanse consisted of 6 juices a day.  Three of the six were the same.  In addition to that main juice, there was a pomegranate/coconut water "juice," a lemon/cayanne/agave "juice," and a cashew "juice."  I was supposed to drink the juices, in order, every two hours throughout the day.  I say "supposed to" because I didn't.  The first day I started with the wrong one simply because I grabbed the first one I saw out of the cooler (that I'd just picked up) as I was headed in to Starbucks to get the two year old a muffin.  In addition, I couldn't finish ALL six of the juices in one day.  ("Stomach" all of them would be a better word.)

Although the founders of the program "strongly encourage ditching all food for the length of your cleanse," the program allows for a few "cheats" (because we're human) that (they say) won't undo all the good work.  These include the following:

-half an organic avocado squeezed with lemon juice

-organic celery or cucumber

-organic romaine with lemon squeezed on it

-warm organic vegetable broth

I will tell you I had 1/2 an avocado a day, as well as some organic celery (that I salted) one of the days.  I also drank one cup of coffee with low fat milk each day.  I'm all about full disclosure people.  Yep, I cheated.  A little.  But I don't feel guilty.  Other than a severe caffeine withdrawal headache the first day, I felt really good on the cleanse.  There were times I felt hungry, but not famished, and the hunger went away as I drank the juices.  I'm happy to report, that the cleanse was very much a success for me.

Things I learned during this process:

1. I can do anything for three days.
2. Kale, cucumber, spinach, celery, and green apples belong chopped up in a big bowl with a good Italian vinaigrette.  They do not belong in a juice.
3. I would rather be hungry, than drink that juice.
4. The best way to drink that juice is to hold one's nose and gulp the juice down as quickly as possible.  Affectionately, "plug and chug." (I wish I'd learned this on day one.)
5. Apparently, not everyone thinks that juice tastes as bad as I do.  (See *picture.)
6. I've always loved my veggies, but when the sugar is out of my body, I crave them.  (The morning after the cleanse, I woke up hungry (not normal) and was thinking about the small, perfectly round red and yellow cherry tomatoes the two year old had picked out from the produce section.  We bought three containers of them because she ate an entire one as we were shopping.)
7. It's easier for me not to eat sometimes, than to make healthy choices.
8. I'm glad I did the cleanse.
9. I'm not glad I paid $240 for it.  (And neither is Sparky.)
10. The next time I "cleanse," I'll get juices form Whole Foods or make my own and buy myself a new pair of shoes instead.  Perhaps these in tan.

{that's my brother.  "this stuff isn't bad."  really, denny?  you owe me 13 bucks for that juice!}

girl crushin'. (and just because I can't spell your names doesn't mean i don't love ya! just sayin'.)

Each Wednesday of the new year, my friend Torrie (and two more friends Danielle and Emily) are working their way through Listography 2011 as a way to reflect, categorize, and have fun (among other goals!)  They graciously invited us all to join them, and finally, I've gotten my act together in time to include a list for this week's topic, girl crushes.  You know you've got them.  Now it's time to share them.  Well, at least it's my time to share them. =)

Gwyneth Paltrow

because she puts being a wife and mom first, is multitalented, is my age, has had two kids, and looks hot in a bikini (which means there IS hope for me yet!)

Ina Garten

because she completely and successfully changed career paths, loves Jeffery, and has mad skills as a chef.

Sandra Bullock

because she's resilliant, smart, funny, and doesn't take crap.

Jennifer Aniston

because she embraces her single girl life, doesn't give a shit about other people's expectations of her, and always seems to be having a good time doing it.  (Oh, and she looks pretty smokin' in a bikini too.)

Zooey Deschanel

because she's a quirky, underrated actress, and because I love her bangs.

Ellen Degeneres

because she makes me laugh. Hard.

My amazing beautiful friends (~this is just a sample of them~)

because they inspire me in all the ways these famous ladies do, but they are real, and solid, and they're there to hold me up when I need them and laugh with me the rest of the time.

If you like to play along, link up here (or simply comment with your current girl crushes.  I'd love to know!)  And check out the entire selection of lists right over here.

just one cup?

It's midway through day one of my cleanse, friends.  And it's not food I am missing.  It's caffeine, specifically coffee.  I did not realize how completely I rely on those big mugs of gorgeous chocolate colored liquid.  I don't know if I can do this.

via

happy valentine's day, sparky.

Thank you for loving me through blonde and brunette, thick (+50 pounds preggers) and thin, happy and moody (a lot lately, sorry,) wild and reserved (never, really,) easy and difficult (I know I am.)  Thanks for reminding me I am more than a (frumpy) mommy.  Thanks for the amazing way you take care of our family.  I love you. 

 {our rehearsal dinner 2002}

P.S. Thanks for getting me a skinny vanilla latte from Starbucks this morning. =)

a rose by any other name.

Good.

Not so good.  (Actually, bad.)